Can't blame 'em!
Personally, I'm sick of the billions of dollars of advertising revenue that emphasize the least important moments of a relationship: the giving and receiving of jewelry ($200+ for a kiss that starts with K, fellas! Pay up!), chocolates, flowers (nothing says eternal love like a dozen roses that will live for a week. I know, I know, tradition, they're pretty. Just saying).
When is our media ever going to drop this romanticized expression of relationships, their relentless pushing of this highlight reel) as the definition of love?
Sure, love is about romance, about connection, about caring for each other and loving each other deeply. But, having married young (4 years this year baby! 4 years of moving cross-country and all-encompassing challenges we have survived together! Love you Max!!!) and now seeing my friends get married - you have to realize that what you see of other people's relationships and marriages on Facebook, or in tabloids, or in advertising, is a highlight reel.
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| This is a picture from my highlight reel ;-) Possibly the highlight OF my highlight reel. Everyone has one. Even - especially - your friend with the perfect life/relationship/marriage/dog |
You will not be the laughing cuddling couple every night of your life. I don't care who you are - you won't. Just trust me. You will fight over stupid things; you will say and maybe even do things you regret; you will bicker over who put the toilet paper on the wrong way. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will come to appreciate love relationships for what they are - wonderful, interesting, fulfilling, requiring work, needing commitment and communication, but not ever perfect and not predictable. The sooner you realize this (it took me a while, but then again, I got married at 20 - I knew this marriage would have to endure some rocky times, some figuring-things-out, lots of learning when I got into it), the happier you will be.
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| Babies!! We got married less than a year after this picture was taken. |
Valentine's Day, for me, is never a big event with lots of hoopla and gifts. However, on this day - like any other, but perhaps with a bit more focus - I try to make an effort to appreciate those around me. I try to live with every day as a blank slate - if a friend hurt me yesterday, I cried all my tears yesterday. Today is a new day, today is all I have, and today, yesterday doesn't matter. (This is easier said than done sometimes.)
Love the people who matter the most to you today. You don't ever know when your last chance will be.
*Personally* I think Valentine's Day is for single people - for singles to ask out someone they fancy. It's not for existing couples! I hate that single people feel bad on V-Day, when the whole point is to ask someone out.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree - tell people who you love that you love them on *any* day of the year.
That's what I always thought!!!! When I hit my 20s and my friends were all like, "Awww my boyfriend got my flowers!" I was like ...wait a minute. Isn't this day kinda like Sadie Hawkins? A day to admit secret crushes etc? Guess not! haha
DeleteCongrats on being "Freshly Pressed."
ReplyDeleteI greatly enjoy reading you and it's wonderful that you've been recognized for your thoughtful writing.
Awwwww thank you so much! You are too sweet <3
DeleteMy husband grew up in another country, so he was never indoctrinated in to the cult of Valentine's Day. He established early on that he would not celebrate it, and I was fine with that. I'd never been in a relationship on vday anyway, so it wasn't a big deal for me. I like to use today to celebrate my friends instead. I try to be good about sending out dorky kid cards to all my friends on Valentine's Day, because who doesn't like to be told that Batman thinks she's a great hero, right?
ReplyDeleteIt must be SO weird to move from another culture and see all the weirdness that is Valentine's Day here. Foreign citizens must think we are all big buttholes who only appreciate each other once a year. haha!
DeleteI kind of like that as such busy people, VDay gives couple a chance to set aside one day to do nice things for each other, even if it's only because someone's making them. It may be forced/ but it's a nice incentive. PLUS, as a single gal, let me tell you, finding someone you actually like and want to BE with is hard..so I think couples should really acknowledge how lucky they are!
ReplyDeleteLike you, though, I think love should be shared daily and that the small moments in a couple are what stand out in a relationship. Really, we should be celebrating every time we make it through and compromise after a horrible fight.
That is true! I've almost always worked in the medical field and V Day is not one of the holidays they honor, but I'm sure most private and public sector jobs are a little more flexible on Feb 14, allowing couples to spend more time!
DeleteYes totally. I mean not necessarily in having the day off, but at least having a night that isn't taken up by meetings, errands, or other activities that can cloud a typical couple's quality time.
Deleteps. love that you're posting again and always appreciate your thoughts on love + relationships. Happy belated Vday to you and Max!
I believe that when you put aside all the media hype of Valentine's Day, you are left with one more excuse to celebrate your relationship - what could be bad about that?
ReplyDeleteMy husband and have a ritual we started when we first met 11 years ago. Each year we alternate who's in charge. We don't exchange gifts (well, some chocolates maybe). Instead, the person in charge plans an experience. One year it was dog sledding. One year it was snowmobiling. One year it was staying home all day and watching Top Gun, Die Hard, etc. (if you can't guess, it was my turn to plan and I chose a guy's night in of movie watching).
There are always two ways to look at everything. Valentines Day can be viewed as cheezy and expensive. Or, it can be viewed as another opportunity to spread the love!!!!
Thanks for the post
That is true - I just don't think most people need a reminder in the form of advertising to focus on each other, ya know? Of course any excuse is a good excuse and I mean it is good for the economy so it's certainly not evil!!!
DeleteCute tradition!!! =)
I'm happy you're back to posting Sable! I've missed your posts. I have to say--I hate V-day. I think it's completely a "Hallmark" holiday. And I feel like it's a way for people to show off to the world that they are in relationships/marriages--and meanwhile make the rest of us who aren't in one feel depressed, lonely, and inadequate. I actually heard that similar to Christmas--V-Day is another holiday where more people are admitted into mental hospitals for depression, suicide attempts, etc..
ReplyDeleteAnd I completely agree with you--true love is about working through the pain and messiness that accompanies all relationships. It's not about chocolates and teddy bears.
That is absolutely true - so sad.
DeleteI really hate what Valentine's Day has become with social media - everyone seems to post pictures of what their BF/fiance/husband/GF/wife/etc got them. What is the purpose of that? 1 - it's tacky. 2 - it makes others feel bad. 3 - it makes the whole holiday into a big pissing contest (excuse my language).
If only love was as simple as chocolates and teddy bears! ;-) Kind of. It would be so boring!
I think valentines day has just been taken over by all the shops etc to just make more money. I have never celebrated it (is that the right word?)- surely it is how you spend the year together that counts, not showy gestures on one specified day of the year. And I do think it is a shame that people not in relationships feel bad, because it is just another day.
ReplyDeleteI am of he 'old school' version of valentines day... The all inclusive, everyone in the class, the family, the friends, relatives, heck even neighbors get the wishes for a happy VALentines Day. to me it was and still isn't about that one true love of your life, but rather a day to let all that are dear to your heart know that you care. I like the broad spectrum... Nobody gets left out version, but yes I agree... Cut the commercialism and sales... Get back to a scribbled note on a piece of paper, or a general or personal note on your FB wall! That said... Happy Valentine's Day <3
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YAY! Nice to see posts from you again! I agree on vday - do nice things every and any day. (Besides getting myself heart shaped goodies... heh heh).
ReplyDeleteAdorable pictures! Didn't know you were so young when you got married! I was 21 when I got married :) (last year...)
Anyways, glad you're back :)
trudytalk.blogspot.ca
I think you have the best and very realistic attitude to your relationship! I don't mind valentines day. It is not so commercialized here, just time to spend with your partner and stop and appreciate them. Which doesn't happen enough!
ReplyDeleteNot a fan of the commercialisation of relationships and the way they are portrayed. I really dislike princess stories. I hate reading them to my girls, about women cleaning houses and then getting rescued by their prince. Just poor values. My mil keeps buying them!
I do not like Valentine's Day, because I'm still single
ReplyDelete