As you all know, I am having a really hard time with the post-competition period.
My appetite is ridiculous: I accidentally polished off a two-pound bag of raw carrots while stressing out and watching election coverage. Thank God that was over nice and early. I don't think my nerves could have taken another recount. (Also, pro tip: if you're going to eat two pounds of food, don't eat two pounds of carrots. Or any other kind of lame vegetable. I mean, seriously. Who even does that?)
Anyway, I am slowly edging out of my funk - mentally, at least. (Still not checking my e-mail though. Don't even bother. Just leave a comment here; they come to my phone because I am fancy!) And as I slowly inch out of this, I'm seeing where I made mistakes. Here is a small sample of these mistakes:
1. I thought I'd never get sick of the gym. I loved it. It was so empowering! So much fun! Such a great use of "me" time! I always wanted to do more - reps, weight, sets, whatever. I always wanted to be better. Now I have to peel myself off the couch to even go, and I literally stand there and (mentally, not verbally) talk myself into every set and effort. I know I'll get back to loving it, but this in-between time seriously sucks.
2. I thought I'd never have the urge to overeat. I've read about dozens of competitors who overeat their way to their 'start' weight quickly in the off-season. I always thought I'd never do that - I worked so hard to get lean. But that desire is so much more powerful than you ever realize. (See: carrots, above.) I have been careful to include plenty of indulgences in my diet.
3. Skinniness is not all it's cracked up to be. At my leanest - a rather unhealthily low body fat and weight - I still thought I looked fat, puffy, or chubby most of the time. Super-leanness also did not make me happier, more confident, or more outgoing. It just made me smaller.
4. Overeating isn't all it's cracked up to be, either. I end up feeling out of control, bloated, and frustrated with myself.
I cannot say it enough: I sincerely, truly appreciate every word of support, every comment, every e-mail. I read each and every one & they all stick with me.