Last week I spent a lot of time e-mailing and texting back & forth with a friend who has lost 10lb but thinks she looks the same. That conversation inspired me to post this photo...
...on Facebook, captioned with, "Sometimes it's hard to see how much progress you're making without taking progress pics! I feel like I look the same now as I did 8 weeks ago, but thanks to my weekly progress pics, I know I have actually lost weight! If you are trying to lose fat OR gain muscle, take progress pics at least once a month!"
Drama ensued, both publicly, on my wall, and privately, via Facebook messages, calls, and texts.
I got comments ranging from, "I prefer how you look in the picture on the left!" to "You look like Skeletor" to "What do you weigh now, 80lb?" (I weigh much more than that.)
Some of those comments came from friends and family who saw me struggle with anorexia, and I totally understand (and addressed) their concerns.
What I don't understand is why society thinks it's okay to criticize skinny/slender/thin people's bodies when it's not considered acceptable to criticize overweight or obese people's bodies.
For example, an old friend of mine lambasted me in a comment (which she later deleted) on the picture, then messaged me to ask if I could help her lose a hundred pounds in five months (no) so that she would meet the BMI criteria for enlistment in the military.
Imagine for a second that she had posted a picture of herself in a sports bra and shorts. If I'd left even a mild comment, like, "You don't look healthy; I hope you're taking care of yourself," I would have been verbally abused and subsequently de-friended by most of our mutual friends.
Why is that? Why is it okay to call someone "too skinny" but not "fat?"
PS: I'm really not as tiny as I look in that picture: I'm relaxing there. Here is a pic of me flexing the next day.
I think you look freaking awesome. Screw the haters! And wtf - some one busted your chops and then asked for help?! What is WRONG with people???
ReplyDeleteThank you Laura! That's what I was confused by - are you impressed by me & therefore wanting my coaching/training services, OR are you disgusted by me? Can't be both. haha!
DeleteIt's hard to believe the flexing pic is the same as the relaxed pic! I am pretty sure you mentioned before that what you are doing right now it's really sustainable for long-term, but you're eating healthily, you're taking care of your body, so yes, forget everyone else! That would be awful if someone commented on an obese person's picture, "OMG you're so far.." so yeah, why should it be any different for skinny people :P
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work, chica.
I know! What a difference flexing makes!! =) haha.
DeleteAbsolutely - there is not a chance I'll maintain at this weight for any length of time. It's not a good weight for my body. But it's part of the competition thing, ya know?!
The way you look now (or then!) isn't a way I'd want to look myself, but I totally agree 100%. I don't think it's acceptable to call someone too skinny, and people who do are doing so out of jealousy, or because they feel threatened by it.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty fat (well, very fat compared to you!) and I have felt threatened by skinny ladies, and in the past I've got defensive because of it - because society encourages thinness and I've been made to feel like my fat is socially unacceptable. I still felt like just *being* fat was something to defend, even when people weren't attacking me for it - hence the defensiveness.
I am over that now - I'm really happy in my body at the moment and I don't feel like I need to conform any more. Which is great!
BTW, your arms in the flexed pics look amazing. Triceps are so hard to get definition in!
It really sounds like you're at peace with yourself, which is seriously awesome!
DeleteI can relate - when I'm self-conscious about any aspect of my body (usually weight), I walk around with a defensive air and can take almost anything as an insult. It's like a secret talent. haha
Gah this annoys me too- it's NEVER okay to comment on somebody's weight in an accusational manner! If you're going to comment, at least show some sincerity! And another thing that annoys me: why is it okay to comment that a slim person is ordering a salad (i.e. "you hardly eat"/"you only eat vegetables") but it's wrong to tell a fat person who's eating a burger "Why do you eat so much" or "You only eat lard."
ReplyDeleteUgh this kills me!! My boss does this every day. "Stop eating rabbit food." "You don't eat enough." etc. Yet he is 300+lbs at 5'7 and if I were to say, "Hey doc, you should probably lay off the fried Twinkies," he'd be horrendously offended.
DeleteYour picture on FB actually inspired Rob and I to have a deep conversation, haha! He basically convinced me to not announce it on my blog when I decide to compete. I will probably quietly tell a few people (like you <3) but keep it very quiet until the week of the comp. It will be like, surprise, I just got really lean and now I'm competing in two days! There is so much negativity out there and, like Max so eloquently pointed out, the last thing you want to hear before you step on stage is that you look like a skeleton or you're holding too much water, etc etc.
ReplyDeleteI'm competing for me, and I don't want everyone judging me until after the mind games are over with. I don't want to have to explain every five seconds that I don't normally look like this, it's a competition, blah blah blah. I know this doesn't really make sense, because a blog is supposed to be very personal, but I've always tried to be unique ;) I just don't want someone to make some snide comment and it completely derail me, you know?
You better tell me when you compete!! =) =)
DeleteI'll admit - the one comment that threw me was the, "Looks like you need to add muscle for you show!" comment. I know that individual really, really well and I know he didn't mean any harm, but still, it's like - I was 2 weeks out at the time, extremely emotional (you just get moody as the show date approaches, lol), and you know, it's like, okay - it's too close to the show to change anything! This is the package I'm bringing! I'm not going to magically gain an appreciable amount of muscle in 14 days.
That said, I will probably keep it to the blog & within a small circle of friends/family when I pick my next show. No need to create extra stress!
hey girl! i've been reading your blog for a while now and think you've come through amazing progress and give you tons of credit for all of the hard work you've put in - but i've got to admit that this comment - "What I don't understand is why society thinks it's okay to criticize skinny/slender/thin people's bodies when it's not considered acceptable to criticize overweight or obese people's bodies." is a little ironic being that less than a year ago you had things to say to me yourself - i'm not judging or anything but i do think its important to recognize the irony in it. anyways i'm not posting that as a bitch or wanting you to grow hate or anger out of it - just think twice before saying things you know. good luck in your competition you look fabulous!
ReplyDeleteI do think there's a difference there. I e-mailed you privately and I didn't say "You look like Skeletor / you look disgusting / hey bag of bones, what do you weigh, 80lb?!" I think there is a difference between coming from a place of concern versus outright meangirl comments, you know?
DeleteTHAT said, I do apologize for that email, because obviously I had no idea what may have been really going on in your life, and I have been meaning to say you look wonderful - and so healthy!! - now. =)
Interesting post - definitely something to think about!
ReplyDeleteT.
Thanks Tenecia! =)
DeleteThis dichotomy has infuriated me for ages. People comment on my weight/size ALL the time, both good and bad, and see it as no big deal because I'm on the small end of things--but I can tell you, it does not feel good even if they are theoretically compliments, because they are almost always comparison "compliments" rather than a genuine comment. It is, simply put, NEVER okay to talk about someone's weight/size unless THEY bring it up. And even that doesn't mean it's up to you to judge! Unless, you know, you're a figure competition judge ;D
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. I try really hard to never, ever comment about anyone else's weight - in a positive or negative way.
DeleteI am not endorsing insulting anyone on the basis of their weight, but I think people tend to be quite aggressive towards the skinny (particularly if they've lost a significant amount of weight to get to that size) through envy, irritation at their own lack of perceived willpower, and the fact that being around 'fat' people generally makes others feel better about themselves. Thin people are threatening to many; they highlight our flaws and weaknesses. That is why your 'friend' reacted in such a contradictory way - I would imagine she's peeved that you have 'the secret' to weight loss when said loss is key to her achieving a possible goal or dream, as well as the loaded connotations of any woman's slimmer appearance making her culturally 'better.'
ReplyDeleteI will be honest: when you posted that pic on Facebook I was (am) OMGJEALOUS because the non-flexed photo is *exactly* how I would want to look, my ideal body type. However, I went away and questioned my encouraging words when I realised that figures I aspire to are, and I am not meaning this as an attack, usually of an anorexic BMI category. I loved myself at a 14 BMI, I accepted myself at a 17 BMI, and anything higher than that does not look appealing to me. Therefore, if I am so awed by your figure, perhaps others would be concerned.
I think that concern might translate to insults because, like it or not, thin people have it easier in life. They just DO; I know there's thin 'discrimination' but I have been at both ends and my life is immesurably easier, and I am treated differently, as a thin person. I don't think anyone would be cruel enough to insult an overweight person because their life is already hard enough, and no-one enjoys being overweight, whereas the majority do enjoy being very lean/thin. I rarely believe any sentiment of the 'oh, I can't gain weight' variety.
I hope I haven't been rude or insulting - I think you do look competition ready in your flexing pic, and I don't think you should doubt yourself with regard to your show.
xxx
I think you're absolutely right. You know I've been all over the map weight-wise, and I have had antagonistic feelings towards skinny girls when I've been on the larger side. I've never really examined those feelings, but I betcha they stemmed from jealousy.
DeleteYou are absolutely right that thin people have it easier in life, too. I cannot believe how much nicer everyone (well, most people) are to me now than they were six months ago. Which is completely silly, because I am the same person!!
no matter what people think, those pics are proof of 8 weeks of dedication. I used to be called "skinny" all the dang time when I was a kid. I hated it. I bugged the hell outta me.
ReplyDeleteThanks Josie!
DeleteI was neeeeever called skinny as a kid haha. I was always overweight!
This is an interesting post. I discovered weight-training a year ago and although my weight only dropped a couple pounds my physique is MUCH different (in ways that I appreciate, I was 32% body fat and am now happy at 22%). My coworkers know how much effort I put into what I do and instead of being happy for me accomplishing my goals, I get backhanded comments about being so tiny I couldn't possibly understand a given situation or people telling me I can afford to eat that cookie, etc. (And at this point, changing my physique isn't even my personal goal. I just love setting deadlift and squat PRs!)Conversely, I'm expected to listen to them drone on about their body-woes.
ReplyDeleteOn both sides of the spectrum, I suppose it would help if we demonstrated tact, compassion and encouragement.
YEP that kills me - "You are so small, you couldn't possibly understand ______." Well, uh, yeah I can because I've been obese or overweight for most of my life! PLUS I'm a very empathetic person and being thin doesn't take that away from me. Yeesh.
DeleteI do agree - tons and tons of compassion and tact are needed on both sides of the spectrum!
So pretty as a skinny person!
ReplyDeleteDon't go back!
Why don't you fuck off? Sable's already told you not to come here so... I don't understand why you keep harrassing her? You are just an evil person, me thinks.
DeleteAre you for real right now? Get a fucking hobby, Nicole!
DeleteThank you two for the support =) =)
DeleteHmmm. This is definitely an interesting post, Sable. I think you are an awesome person with more dedication than most people I know. I also think you look great in the first picture, and can see why some loved ones would be concerned for the second. But like you said, the picture could be a little misleading, as your arms look rockin' in the "flexed" picture!! That said, I think if anyone feels the need to comment on how "skinny/skeletor/etc" they think you look, they should do so in private, if it's really from a place of concern - NOT in comments under the picture.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that second pic makes me look really tiny - part of that is that I'm flat so unless I'm flexing I look very very small!
DeleteI agree - I think real concern should be expressed privately, and for the most part, it was. There were just a couple of startling exceptions. haha
I agree with you that you can't tell weather someone has a disorder by how their look and that thin people should not be criticised simply for being thin.
ReplyDeleteHowever I just wanted to say that as a fat woman in the world people think it is pretty OK to tell me what they think about me, and that is frequently pretty horrible.
Oh no =( I'm really sorry to hear that. =( Send the next person who dares to say something like that my way and I'll rip 'em a new one for ya. Totally unacceptable.
DeleteThis COULD NOT have come at a better time. In the past week, I've had at least 5+ people tell me that they wish they were as "skinny" as me, even though some DID acknowledge my muscle and weight gain. Some people have called me worse things. I've gotten a few months ago that I was a Holocaust victim, even though the kid is literally a skinhead and thought it was 'funny.' It's NOT okay to call other people too skinny but how DARE we call someone too big?! You are so directly on point. I admire you and your fantastic words Sable. :D
ReplyDeleteUgh!! And that's the other thing - saying "I wish I were as skinny as you" to anyone who struggles with body image / disordered thoughts / disordered eating is really, really, really risky. =(
DeletePeople are so rude!
Wouldn't telling someone who had gained weight and (I assume) struggled with disordered eating that they look 'wonderful - and so healthy!!' be just as bad? I don't know Julie's reasons for being extremely thin and then gaining a bit, but I know it devestates me when people say I look healthier than when I was thin. Most people, particularly those with/recovering from anorexia don't take that as a compliment?
DeleteJulie has been adamant that she wasn't struggling with any disordered thought processes/EDs/etc. Regardless, you're right -"you look healthy" could be taken the wrong way and if it was, I do of course apologize.
DeleteAh, to me there has always been a difference between being healthy and looking 'healthy' - in my mind 'healthy' has always been synonymous with 'fat' or merely a kinder way of telling someone that they have gained noticable weight. I am probably oversensitive about this though, and I am terribly guilty of the 'I wish I was as skinny as you' thoughtless remark so I can't very well be critical!
DeleteI've found through refeeding that people seem to think it's necessary to gush over how much better I look, how well, how healthy etc - every time I gain weight. They pinch my cheeks and exclaim over my face which is the most arrrrgh part of myself already. It does NOT help.
DeleteI think no matter what a person's body has done, all these comments illustrate that they belong to us - and that it's never okay really to judge another person's body and that we should always think carefully about comments - whether negative or positive - that are about another person's weight.
Absolutely Fi. I try not to comment on anyone's body, ever - but obviously I've been failing more than succeeding lately. I'm trying to be more conscious of it!
DeleteI seriously cannot believe the journey you took your body on the course of these last 3 months (when the real lean out phase out began). You should be so proud of your hard work, of powering through the heavy lifting and sticking to a strict eating plan! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR SHOW IS SO SOON! I agree, body changes can be so slight (in either directions), it's hard to be proud of the small changes until you see them all adding up together.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mel! I barely recognize myself in the mirror haha. My whole mental outlook has changed too! It's bizarre!
DeleteI can relate a lot. I've posted photos from running and people have commented 'you are too thing" blah blah blah. You must be underweight. I'm not underweight and not really that close-so it's just obnoxious. When I had to gain weight for swim season a few years ago and was depressed...yeah no one really said anything about that.
ReplyDeleteYep! The only person who's ever been like, "Sable, you've put on a few pounds" has been Max. No one else has been willing to speak up, but when they think I'm too skinny, it's a whole different story!
DeleteI think you look beautiful in both pics. I totally get you about the comments. When I had an ED I had really offensive things said to me by a host of unexpected people. It was not helpful. I think skinny makes people uncomfortable, they find it threatening OR they are genuinely concerned. You have a goal and a plan that is not long term. I can't wait to hear how you go!
ReplyDeleteI think you're right -- 'too' skinny makes people feel uncomfortable, whether it's from a place of concern or from twisted jealousy.
DeleteTHANK YOU!!! Thank you for saying out loud, something I ask myself ALL THE TIME!!! 2/3rds of this country is dangerously overweight and yet, it's very not-PC to mention it. We need to be "sensitive" towards obesity.
ReplyDeleteAND YET!! We tear women down for working hard to have bodies we ALL envy (I'd like to know one woman who would be embarrassed to have a body like yours.... one woman).
Yes, you do look skinny in the pic on the right, but I'd take that shape in a HEART BEAT, and I'm working hard to get there myself as I'll be competing in November.
This is where envy starts wearing some interesting costumes. That's all it is my dear, so pay no attention to it.
This is what drives me nuts. There are some family members I'm concerned about because we have a family history of heart disease & diabetes, and many of my relatives are morbidly obese. But I can't say I'm concerned about them because of their weight/health issues because that's just not kosher. Honestly I'd like to see more tactful openness on BOTH sides of the spectrum - it's not helpful if we can *only* be concerned about those who are too thin.
DeleteI can relate to this sooo much. I agree.. people often criticize "skinny" people and think it's totally fine but believe it's social taboo to criticize people who are overweight. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely is - at least among polite society. I know there are some jerks who will criticize anyone for anything.
Deletepeople used to say offensive things to me when i was really underweight but i think that it was because they didn't know a better way to express their concern. i felt the same way you did - that it was unfair to be called out on being skinny when they would be infuriated if i said something about them being overweight.
ReplyDeletei do have to admit, though, that when i saw that pic i initially thought that you looked too thin. but that's just b/c i love reading your blog and care about you! i believe that you're happy and healthy and i realize that i was projecting my own fears of backsliding onto you.
i hope your prep is going well!
I really appreciate your kind words, T =) I have no issue with people being concerned! I totally understand and would probably also be concerned if a blogger I followed posted a picture looking like that. I just wish someone would have expressed concern when I tipped the scales at over 140lb again last winter - maybe I would've kicked my butt into gear sooner! ;-)
DeleteBut do you think the answer is to call people out on their weight, no matter what (big or little?). Perhaps the more correct response is to question people's health and not size. I know that I never commented on your weight b/c you've always (and still do) impressed me as an extremely intelligent and level-headed person. I've trusted (and still do) that you know what's best for you and will do what is necessary for your own health.
DeletePS - I really want to commend you on your ability to constantly put yourself out there and make us all think!
I definitely think there should be a focus on health, not weight. I do think it's hard to gauge health via pictures just seeing a friend/family member briefly, though.
DeleteSable, I was shocked when I saw your comparison picture, but then I saw the flexing one and I realized you look amazing! When you are ripped and depleted you look "skinny" in normal outfit (man or woman) and that just the way it is. I think you are gonna rock the stage :). Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Janie!!!!!!
DeleteHi Sable, I have to admit I had a shock when I first saw these pictures - and if I hadn't been following your hard work all these months, I would have been heartbroken and assumed you had relapsed! I'm very glad it's not the case. It goes to show that even photos can not be quite honest, depending on camera angle, distance from the camera, lighting, clothes worn, etc.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted the last pic and I think you should be proud of your hard work, which I can only imagine would have been a thousand times harder with an ED history - the temptation to keep going down a disordered road instead of staying within the safe limits of your agreement with your trainer re diet and exercise would be huge. Good luck in your competition - you are stunning and it's obvious you have worked hard for this xxx
You are absolutely right, Fi.... it is REALLY hard to keep the disordered thoughts & behaviors at bay. =/ The one big thing is remembering how MISERABLE I was when I was fighting off the ED, and how long it took, and how hard it was. I don't want to do that twice!
DeleteThank you so much for this comment =) I really really appreciate your support!
That is what helps me, too! To look past the 'weight' factor of losing weight to the rest of it - the whole LIFE factor - and remember that I was miserable, I've been there, done that, and it's just going to be just as horrible as it was the last time. We tend to gloss over how things really were, grass is greener sort of thing! xx
DeleteAhh, opinions. I've learned that when I feel confident in a decision I've made, it's pointless to ask for anyone's opinion because at least one will inevitably differ. Sometimes a simple picture encourages unwanted opinions, too. It can get ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely! I try not to ask for feedback if I've already made up my mind about something. No good can come from that.
DeleteI kind of know what you mean- I was wearing a short dress to school on Wednesday and everyone teased me about how short it was and my legs being skinny etc! It did get really grating after a while! As stated, no one would say I'd looked fat!
ReplyDeleteHello by the way! :)
Hi Kezzie! Thanks for stopping by! =)
DeleteI'm sorry for your experience :/ that can be so hurtful especially if you're trying to build your legs!
I am going to have to agree with several people's comments... the picture on the right looks like an emaciated girl compared to a lively and fit woman (picture on the left) For someone who has claimed to fully embrace the muscular and full physique, several of your statements are borderline pro-anorexia. It is sad to watch this transformation happen. Also, you know when you have "yoga duchess" commenting that you look so great the way you are on your photos, then something is not right. I pray this season of thin & frail passes soon.
ReplyDeleteThis is a somewhat disheartening comment to receive. I may not look muscular in the picture on the right, but did you look at the final picture in the post? I wouldn't call that frail or emaciated.
DeleteI'm not sure who you are, since you didn't leave an e-mail address, so I don't know if you know the background here... I am preparing for an NPC bikini competition, which means that yes, for a VERY brief period of time, I will be unhealthily lean. I have said repeatedly that I will not be staying at this weight; it's not a good one for my body. I'll be focusing on slowly & steadily regaining weight and hopefully gaining some muscle back after this weekend.
I do appreciate your concern, but again, this is not a sustainable weight for me & I am fully aware of that.
Hey, I'm new to your blog, so I don't know much about your background (only what I can gather from the comments on this post). I have a history of anorexia and am now bulimic and quite overweight. As someone who has been on both ends of the weight spectrum, I have to disagree with the idea that people don't comment on how "fat" someone is. They most certainly do. People feel free to comment on that all the time, and it is always in a critical way and is most certainly not because they are jealous. And it isn't always out of concern for health, much of the time it is just downright mean. Yes, people do make mean comments to skinny people, but at the end of the day, it is infinitely easier to live in this world as an underweight or low-normal weight person than it is to be heavier. I do feel badly that people think it is okay to say hurtful things to you because you are slim, but it simply isn't true that people hold back when it comes to fat people. Fat people are treated as huge burdens on society, and with repulsion and disgust. Even some of the comments on this post seem a bit questionable to me...it is okay to express concern, but I think it is important to be careful and be sensitive so that it isn't perceived as fat shaming. I can't tell you how damaging it has been for me to be so out of control of my body and have people judge me, thinking I'm just a fat lazy person. Anyway, I don't mean this as a criticism and understand where you are coming from. I just wanted to provide you with another perspective.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this comment. =)
DeleteI do agree with you - I think that a large portion of the population DOES think it's okay to criticize overweight and obese people - even average-sized people. I think my perspective is coming from kind of a hippie upbringing and community. In my community (a small town in Massachusetts), people did mock the overweight & obese - I have a distinct memory of a group of children making fun of my obese mother - but it was frowned upon. In other words, if I were to tell an overweight friend that she looked unhealthy (which I never would) based on a picture she posted of herself wearing a bikini, my particular group of friends and family would be shocked and outraged, but they don't really care if someone is criticized for being too thin.
You are absolutely right though - I've seen people fat-shame and food-shame and size-shame others and it is absolutely infuriating to me. I kind of wish we'd all just shut up about what other people look like, what they eat, how they exercise, etc. I should have written a little less "absolutely" in this post in hindsight; I mean, I've been there. I was mocked all through school for being fat. Luckily, though, if a teacher overheard s/he would step in and put a stop to it. During my anorexic days, the other kids did still make fun of me - for being too skinny, too small, too bony - and maybe it was coincidence, but nothing was ever said to them then.
Like I said - any body-shaming or body criticism at all is completely unacceptable in my mind. (Concern I think is okay, as long as it is actually concern.) I know I'm not always perfect at expressing that, but I do try, and I wish there was more I could do to prevent people from picking on others based on something as silly as their appearance.
For the record, in an effort to spread information to the uninformed, and this has nothing to do with Sable or competitors since they are underweight in a controlled and temporary manner, being underweight is significantly more dangerous than being overweight. Significantly. In fact, being overweight or obese really doesn't raise your mortality rate that much, and even being morbidly obese is safer than being underweight. We need food to live. I think most everyone overthinks this, fearing a bulge here or there. That bulge is important to your body in order to sustain life. Malnutrition is nothing to fool around with.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with this. Fat plays several extremely important roles, including: hormonal regulation, appetite regulation, temperature regulation, physical protection for your most delicate organs and bones (think the fat pad over your kidneys), etc.
DeleteMy concern is - why would a competition require you to be "unhealthily lean" and a weight not sustainable?
ReplyDeleteBecause those are the standards of the sport. This is the look they're going for: http://www.hardbody.com/news/2009/05/27/npc-bikini-thoughts-comparisons/ (there are pictures, scroll down :))
DeleteI'm certainly not saying everyone should compete and/or that it's an inherently healthy sport. In fact, I've repeatedly said it's not, and that people who are at risk of falling back into their disorders should stay far, far, far away from competing.
This competition is something that I have always wanted to do, and if it's not causing me to slip back into an ED, I don't see why I shouldn't. It's not negatively impacting my quality of life and it's not hurting me, my mental health, or anyone else.
i read your blog but haven't commented before. just have to say i'm finding it really hard to understand your position on this... like other commenters, i've also found that people have no qualms about criticising a person's weight if they're overweight. actually, i have heard plenty of people say things about somebody's weight when they are completely normal - just not rail-skinny.
ReplyDeletewhat came to mind for me was... you are posting these comparison pictures on facebook to show how "hard work" has paid off. imagine if somebody had gained weight, noticeably and so that they looked unhealthy to about 90% of people, and posted comparison pictures on social networking. if i try to imagine that, a) i think they would probably not get good comments and b) it's really hard to imagine that in the first place because most people would probably feel really ashamed - purely because of the way overweight people are thought of as lazy, lacking willpower, complainers who take no action, waste of space, greedy, gluttenous, etc.
i also just find it really hard to understand why exactly, as a person who has suffered from an eating disorder, you have chosen to compete in something that requires you to abuse your body (to an extent) and specifically, rewards an image which is only attained by deprivation and unhealthily low body fat levels. (or i guess some people are naturally this lean, but am pretty sure the overwhelming majority are not and would have to do a lot to get that way) sure, it's a personal goal, but it's confusing and frustrating to see yet another blog (whose author started off seemingly dedicated to being healthy - in a balanced way) showcasing a body that is the product of a very restrictive diet. it's just like most of the healthy living blogs... putting the idea out there that this look is both something to aspire to and attainable through "hard work".
i'm sorry if this sounds harsh or something. i know that eating clean and being disciplined *is* very hard work and that it must give some satisfaction to see something change through that hard work. it just seems to me that your blog has become less and less about real health - which is not a crime, but i just don't get it when people have blogs, and obviously reach a ton of readers, and then take no responsibility for the message they put out. and i know you're not overtly saying "hey guyz try this!!!!!", but i'm guessing that loads of impressionable people could be influenced by the nature of your posting. heck, i have had issues with eating for ten years, and if i read your posts i find myself thinking "i could do that... just eat protein and brocolli and you'll start losing fat like that".
yes, it is every individual's responsibility to police themselves on their own triggers, but i honestly don't understand the rationale behind your competing or posting stuff like this when you know the hell that is eating disorders.
anyway.
I totally, totally get this, and as I've said a couple of times above, I do think I should have worded this post differently.
DeletePeople do certainly get far-shamed, but I think when we as a society see that happen, most of us think, "What an assole." When we skinny-shame someone, though, no one seems to think, "Gee that was kinda harsh."
In terms of competing & blogging about the reality of contest prep after an eating disorder, the way I see it, I had two choices:
1) Post about it honestly, including how difficult and all-encompassing it is, or
2) Gloss over it and make it look effortless, not restrictive, etc.
I think people need to know the reality of contest prep - that it can be very triggering, that it is unhealthy, etc. That way, if they choose, they can go into it with their eyes wide open.
Do I think some of my posts could be triggering? Yes. But I do my best to shield my readers. I never post total daily macro/calorie counts or post all of my meals; I always submit a refeed to WIAW. I never talk about how much I exercise. If you have any more suggestions as to how I can improve my blog in this area, I would love to hear them. I do try to be conscious of people's food issues to the greatest extent possible, but if I'm not going to be honest, I'm not going to blog. This blog has become less focused on real health because, well, competing has absolutely nothing to do with health. That's kind of an ugly truth, but it is the truth. And I do think it's important to show women who have struggled with EDs that they can (once they are fully recovered) do things that previously would have triggered them.
i guess what's really in my head and what is bothering me is that you keep saying that you are going to be in this unhealthy state just for the show - just for a short time, because it's not sustainable. i don't know... i am just trying to get my head around that and can imagine that lots of people who have disordered tendencies could take that as "it's ok to restrict, because i'm only going to do it for a while, and then i'll reach my goal, and then i'll relax".
ReplyDeletei mean, you have written yourself that is has been really hard to resist the ED thoughts doing this. how in god's name do you know that you are going to be able to regain some balance after doing this? it is really confusing me... how you can post progress reports and stuff like that, admit that is in an unhealthy state, admit that it has stirred up disordered thoughts... and somehow still feel comfortable posting all of it?
i am just struggling not to imagine how people could take this is "permission" to restrict, because someone is advertising their progress and it is being condoned by some competition and by a whole lot of other bloggers. i mean, 66 comments on a post - you are reaching a lot of people. many people probably don't even comment.
i have no idea whether this is really offensive or harsh or something. i'm not saying to "bring you down" or out of jealousy or something. it is just so frustrating when even the fitness/food-related blogs that seemingly started off showing a balanced kind of life, somehow change to condoning unhealthy habits.
just kind of also confused as to you saying that if a chubby friend posted photos like this and you commented critically, you would be an outcast.... you should really increase your privacy levels on facebook (unless you're ok with people being able to search your name and look at your page, since your full name is on your blog). looking at your fb page, it looks like some of the people who had less than complimentary things to say really got ripped into by people who are supporting your competition attempt. so really don't understand how you think people are being so hard on you for being thin, when your critics literally got called "fat and have prob never seen the inside of a gym in their entire lives".
the more i think about it it just puzzles me. after this you post a blog post saying how people think they can say anything about the weight of a thin person... yet on your fb page someone says this, as though never having been inside a gym is somehow an indicator of intelligence or worthiness or something, and you don't say anything against it.
I couldn't agree with you more!!! Brilliant comment. Frankly, I just think she's masking her ED. One never 'recovers'. But her readers are big girls. They can surely pick and choose on what is sensational and what is real (I've yet to find the latter here). Sable's a big girl, too... but not in the physical sense anymore. ;)
DeleteI am at work & we're slammed today so my responses will be slow. Bear with me here!
DeleteThe comment you're referring to was Max's. As I've described briefly before, he has severe body dysmorphic disorder and does struggle with an eating disorder. If you go through my "about me" page or my old photos on Facebook, you'll see that I used to weigh over 160lb at 5'0. I have been obese. There is NO way I sanction those comments he made, and we did argue about it. I was very upset and texted the girls he insulted to apologize on his behalf and for his behavior. However, I will not denounce my husband publicly on Facebook, no matter how much I disagree with him.
DeleteI totally agree with anonymous and yoga duchess
DeleteLove! :)
DeleteMakes me happy that their aren't just woe-is-me dimwits in this ED community.
Anon, you should know that Nicole is simply trying to use me to prove her twisted theory that no one can recover from an ED, ever. Quite frankly, I have been deep in the throes of anorexia and I know that I am not currently suffering from an ED. I know it's impossible for you to take my word for it, but just watch. I'll be gaining weight back starting next Sunday. I *know* that this is temporary, and the only reason I look like this right now is for my competition. Max doesn't like how bony I am, I don't like how hard I have to work to look this way. It is unsustainable. I know this.
DeleteIronic, Nicole - I think you meant "Makes me happy that *there* aren't just woe-is-me dimwits in this ED community."
Deletebwahaha :)
Deleteit's ok, you don't have to reply. i don't want to upset you or anything; just was bothering me and i got worked up. respect your ability to reply in a calm way.
ReplyDeleteNo, you absolutely have a right to get answers. It's just SUPER busy at work today - I'm sorry!
DeleteI can definitely understand why you were upset. I was incredibly upset. Max has never been overweight or obese so he really just doesn't get it. (And, classically, his response to that is, "What is there to get?" and I don't even have words, because it's a whole different LIFE in this country when you're overweight.) That's definitely not an excuse & is something I'm working on with him.
In my opinion the best part of reading/seeing your journey to prep for this competition is the strength of character you're showing. Training for anything is difficult, but training for this seems to be challenging you in myriad ways and so far you seem to be handling them well. I've been absent from blog-reading most of the summer with the field season and grant-writing season of my work, and I am excited for you and your nearing competition.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog because of the discussions you spark, and because of the way you handle negative and positive comments. Keep it up please. :)
Thank you so much for this comment, Magdalena. I think I need to realize that I'm not ever going to please everyone. I know that I don't have an eating disorder & all I can do is try my best to avoid being used as thinspo.
Delete