I especially love compliments that are about something I can control. For example, I would prefer to be complimented on my work ethic than my hair; I'd rather someone express that they are impressed with my dedication to improving my body than my complexion.
So why, then, am I cringing at some of the compliments I've been getting?
Losing weight is a mind game, just like anything else.
When people say, "You look so much smaller!" I don't hear, "You look leaner!" - I worry that they mean I'm losing muscle and wasting away.
I mean, the fact is that I have gotten smaller (and hopefully not all of it is muscle). This is June's progress, for example:
 |
| I know, the before picture is supposed to be on the left and the after should go on the right....sorry |
Better? So what - now I look good; before I looked average? Or now I look okay; before, I looked horrible?
I mean - I've weighed between 135 and 145 pounds for the vast majority of my life. (I hit 140 in 7th grade!) This new weight, this new look, doesn't feel like "me" yet. I know this is crazy, but hearing and admitting that I look better now kind of feels like a betrayal of.... myself. My natural self at (what seems to be) my natural weight.
I'm probably just thinking too much; dieting always messes with my head. Can anyone relate?
PS: I'm thinking about offering online training services (i.e. lifting & cardio programs for anyone who wants to gain muscle or strength, or maintain muscle while cutting). I would probably charge $30 a month for a new customized program every week. Is that something anyone would be interested in? For those of you who don't like to comment =) e-mail me - squatlikealady@gmail.com.
Oh man I bet it's hard to deal with those compliments with an ED past-- I sure know it would be for me. But I think you're handling it SO well and you really, truly look amazing. Your hard work and dedication to a goal is really paying off and ED can NEVER take that passion away from you! :) Sending love and strength your way and hoping you have a beautiful week! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Alexandra!! I hope one day I won't have any more of these silly thoughts and mental processes left <3
Deleteoh yes, that's a tough one. It's just a word though. Better?! I've been gaining weight (yea!) and people are starting to say the same, you look so much better. And while i am excited, i keep thinking.. Man, i must have looked like DEATH before. ha. The mind, it's controlling... IF WE LET IT! Let go of those thoughts and take those words as a compliment. Yes, better means whatever the hell YOU want it to be, amen?!
ReplyDeletelove ya!
You are totally right Lindsay - it's just a word!!!
DeleteYOU look beautiful now, and you looked beautiful before. Because you are a beautiful person from the inside out <3
It is certainly hard to deal with compliments-I understand that one. I hate people complimenting on things you can't control. I'm just like...uh umm okay gee thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou look great by the way and it obvious how hard your work is paying off!
Ugh I know. I always try to compliment people on their mental/emotional/intangible strengths.
DeleteThank you! <3
I think perhaps you just have to take it with a grain of salt basically. It's one of those comments that people use with good intentions not realizing the underlying tone it can have.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely. I don't think most people overthink word choices the way I do. ;-) haha
DeleteYou look faboosh girl. :) I cannot take a compliment to save my life. I always overanalyze it! Like, over the few months, I've gained weight (which is what I wanted!!) but when someone said "You look bigger!" I took it as oh I got fatter? But that's not what he meant! It's something I need to work on, for sure. On the other hand, you are doing a fantastic job! Keep up the great work! You're a huge inspiration to me. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Brittany!!! =)
DeleteIt's so hard to hear the "you look bigger/healthier" remarks when you're regaining necessary weight. Been there. You are a smart girl though and you know it's positive even if it sounds bad! =) <3
Yay, so glad you are taking my advice about the online training :D You would be an awesome coach!
ReplyDeleteDon't hate me for saying this, but your progress is awesome! You are absolutely going to kill it up there! No one ever really comments on my physique except for Rob, and he usually says it in a positive way, like "wow, your abs are really coming in" or "look at that quad separation!" haha
haha I don't hate you for saying it!!!! =)
DeleteMax makes those safe, positive, non-weight-related comments too ;-) haha. We have smart husbands. :P
Not that I've had compliments for a long time, but when I did lose a lot of weight people were always asking me for tips and saying how wonderful my figure was. It made me uncomfortable too, because it put even more pressure on to stay that way and let me know that yes, people DO notice changes in weight despite the sunshine/rainbows angle that 'love your body' campaigns love to shove in our faces.
ReplyDeleteI can totally see why figure competitors end up desperately trying to stay at their competition weight/body fat and terrified to go back to their natural size when compliments like that tell them there is something 'wrong' with said natural size. And most people do reckon that being slightly underweight (but oh, not *too* much of course *eyeroll*) looks noticably 'good'. I got the most compliments ever when my BMI was 17, but had negative remarks once I got over 20 and when I was under 17. Such a narrow definition of what's 'right,' no?
xxx
It's so interesting that you noticed the same thing as me - everyone loved how I looked when I dropped to about 105lbs before, and the compliments kept rollin' in until I hit 90.
DeleteI have a love/hate relationship with the "love your body" campaigns. I love the message, but I don't like the fact that they kind of suggest that to want to try to change your body is to betray your body. I don't think that's necessarily true. I think you can love your body but want to alter it in a healthy way.
welp, my first thought is that the average person doesn't use the world "leaner" when complimenting weight loss. Don't over think it with the mind games. Bottom line, you're working your ass off, getting results, and people are noticing. BOOM!
ReplyDeleteThat is true!!! Good point Josie! <3
DeleteJosie makes a great point, few would think of the word "leaner"!! Also, people don't explore much beyond their initial reaction to change. They see you look different and maybe don't know exactly how, or how to describe it. So they fumble for words a bit.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lost my 25ish lbs 4 years ago, I got comments about looking "better" and "smaller" and it made me feel like I must not have known how much "worse" and "bigger" I had been looking. Rather than feeling good about how I was currently, I felt bad about how I was. I get what you mean about it feeling like a betrayal of yourself!! Totally!
It's messed up, I know! It did/does add to the pressure to maintain too.
One thing to think about is that your ability and dedication to CHANGE your body is impressive -- both directions. You can CHANGE it as you work toward your show and CHANGE it back to a more sustainable state after and then BACK again if you want!
The vast majority of people are completely stuck and you know they want to change but don't/won't.
Geez, I got off on some tangents there. Anyway, you are doing great!!!
You're right!!! I don't think most people think about how things come across as much as I do - I've always been worried about using precisely the right words.
DeleteI think it's a great idea to focus on the fact that I can and have altered my body - multiple times. Less focus on what it looks like; more focus on what I *did*.
I went through the same thing! And now that my prep is over and I have gained back some healthy weight I was scared people don't think I look good anymore!! Ha-ha, what B.S!!! Who cares what other people think about YOUR body?!! Keep it going girl, you're doing great!!!
ReplyDeleteStay focused on YOU.
Right?!?! No one cares even 1/10th as much about how I look as I do. haha.
DeleteI would definitely be interested!
ReplyDeleteWhat you are describing sounds completely normal to me - as funny as it sounds, maybe just tuning out the compliments will help for a while? While you adjust to the new image that you see in the mirror?
Regardless - the compliments are positive in the now, dont take them to mean ANYTHING about the past.
I think I am going to try tuning them out =) Probably better for my mental health in the long run!!
DeleteYou are so right though - comments made today have nothing to do with yesterday!
I know exactly how you feel! I made a 25lbs weight cut this year and all I kept hearing was how much thinner or skinnier I looked and I hated it! It made me feel incredibly self conscious about the possibility of losing muscle mass. Great article! Read my mind!
ReplyDeleteMax always hates those comments too! People can be really heartless when making those types of remarks to guys - one stranger actually came up to him and asked if he was trying to lose muscle. Nice. >_<
DeleteI think it's an interesting point you made about the leaner you betraying the "you" you know because you're not accustomed yet. For me, losing weight felt like coming home to where I felt most comfortable; like it was brining me back to where I wanted to be. Like any move, it takes a while for something new to feel like home.
ReplyDeleteI think the effort, sacrifice, time and dedication you are putting in says a lot more about you than your hot bod..but if THAT's the added bonus other people are noticing, you should enjoy it!
That's a GREAT way to put it Mel. It'll take me some time to get used to this new 'landscape'...but then it will feel like home =)
DeleteTotally interested!!!! Seeing your "looking like a figure competitor" post got be back on the heavy lifting bandwagon! I email you, you give me details!!!
ReplyDeleteI e-mailed you back lady! <3
DeleteYou look great, before and after. People are trained to think stick thin is the best so I presume that's where all the comments are coming from. I would LOVE you to offer online training services. I've thought about finding something for a while now. Deep down I know what I should be doing but I think if someone put it in black and white for me I'd definitely do it!
ReplyDeleteYou are darn right about that - as Jess says, society likes us ladies to have BMIs between 17 and 20.
DeleteIt makes life soooo much easier when you have someone else to hold you accountable to a training plan! Honestly that's one of the biggest reasons I love working with Jay - weekly feedback and accountability!
I'm definitely interested in getting trained by you! I just can't handle you telling me what to eat in macros! ( no comprende' signora)
ReplyDeleteI will be your 50 and over guinea pig. And I will pay for the opportunity. I need HELP redefing my muscle mass because as you know it looks like crap!
So sign me up please!
Desperate to relive my 40's!!! DD
AH! "DD." I must've skimmed over that before! <3
DeleteI don't know why anyone would say you look "better". That's just rude on their part. Actually they probably didn't even consider what they were saying and just meant it as a compliment. Most people don't know how to talk about muscle gain and fat loss, they just think smaller is better, which is a very narrow and usually unhealthy perspective. Just keep focused on you no matter what. You're doing awesome!
ReplyDeleteI think it is too! I mean, I know it's a compliment but uhhh...open mouth insert foot? haha
DeleteThank you!! <3
i ALWAYS think about this, and have been meaning to do a post . something similar to this. the thing is, the initial transformation from, lets say--size 12 to size 6--is the easy part when you look back at it. then, when you're SO much smaller and really comfortable at the new weight (size 6 in this example), its THAT much harder, because your body doesn't WANT to be even smaller! The transition from looking good to looking amazing is TOUGH, one i'm dealing with EVERY day!!! love the post. keep it up with your prep! xoxo
ReplyDeleteMaintenance is DEFINITELY the hardest. It's easy (well, easier) when you have a goal you're working towards - cutting or bulking or even recomping - but maintenance is by far the hardest stage.
Deletei hear this. i lost a lot of weight fairly recently and received a lot of compliments about it. but, then i'm like - wtf was i that bad before? body image is a tricky thing.
ReplyDeleteIt is =( You have such gorgeous features - I've never seen your befores but I just know you were beautiful before too ;-)
DeleteWell. Huh. You DO look smaller. But your butt is less muscular looking. Better? You look gorgeous either way, but it depends on your outlook.
ReplyDeleteDon't get carried away. Health before competition little miss!
I was definitely surprised by how much flatter by butt looks! It's probably not as small as it looks - I am pretty much completely free at glycogen at this point, which deflates everything. (Following basically a timed keto diet for 4 weeks without a refeed will do that!) I'll be interested to see how much I fill back in with my first refeed this weekend..hopefully a lot!
DeleteYou are right though! Health first!! I appreciate the honesty =)
*free OF glycogen. Der.
DeleteYes, you are definitely thinking too much. You look great in BOTH pictures. But you're contest prepping, and your body will continue to change dramatically. Rejoice. Embrace this. And accept that after the competition, your body will change again, AND you will still be gorgeous! Take your thought captive, and don't allow it to run off like that. And that's an order!
ReplyDeleteWOW, too funny...im with you tho...I almost wish people would say I look leaner instead of smaller shyt I am 4'11 so by nature smaller normally means midget! lol... but the funny thing is no human being probably animal either will never be satisfied with you (not that it matters) until they get their shit together (excuse my french) so keep it moving because it only means you doing something right and when the "haters" dont got nothing to say then you worry! Happy Training!
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