I finally have some pictures of myself as a young teenager.
I've told you all before that I was 140+ pounds and a size 14 by the time I was in 7th grade. At the time I didn't think I was fat. Well, not until the other kids started making fun of me, right around the time I turned 13.
Also, I really thought I had great hair.
I recall I was not the biggest fan of mirrors. Let this be a PSA: look at your outfit before you leave the house and allow people to photograph you. I hope someone burned all those clothes after I finally stopped wearing them.
Braces? Check. Unruly hair? Check. Ill-fitting tanktop? Oh yeah!
Honestly, though, what upsets me the most is that no one - no pediatrician, no nurses (I went to the ER for asthma attacks semi-regularly until I was 15), no specialists (I had several orthopedic issues) - ever said, "You need to lose weight for your health."
I was obese. My weight was making my asthma and orthopedic issues worse. Why didn't anyone ever sit down with me and say, "You should be more active; go on walks after school, and stop eating an entire bag of Snickers every afternoon, and half a tub of ice cream every night."
I really think it would have made the rest of my life easier. It's always harder to maintain a low body fat percentage when you have held a relatively high proportion of body fat for the majority of your life. Who knows - had I been thin and accepted in middle and high school, maybe I never would have descended into the depths of anorexia.
Who knows. There's not much use speculating about what could have been. On the bright side, I do appreciate the broad spectrum of experiences I have had: I know what it's like to be an obese pre-teen and teen; I know what life as an anoretic teenage girl is like; I know what it's like to gain eighty pounds over the course of a year during the recovery process. I can relate to - and, ultimately, help - a lot of people.
PS: I'm sure everyone has heard about the tragedy in Colorado today. Please join me in giving blood, no matter where you live. My thoughts, prayers, and deepest sympathies are with the victims and their families.
I can so relate Sable. I was always a fat kid yet still think I looked somewhat good. I peaked at 84 kgs and just looking at old pics makes me shudder. Although losing the weight was no walk in the park, it sure changed my life for the better. I probably wouldn't be the person I am today. Being skinny is one thing, but without going through the process of losing weight, who knows if I'd have the same eating habits as I do now or be as much an avid exerciser!
ReplyDeleteWell done on how far you've come :)
I honestly forgot I ever looked like this - which was probably a good thing, haha!
DeleteI am glad I've had to go through the process of losing weight (and re-gaining it, and trying to maintain it, and all that crud). I think it's opened my eyes a little bit to other people.
'I can relate to - and, ultimately, help - a lot of people.'
ReplyDeleteAgreed: you do seem to be one of the few people who genuinely empathises with almost every facet of this corner of the blogging world.
I was not an obese child, but I was in the 'overweight' category, and my weight peaked when I was 13 (I am heavier now, but also taller - my BMI then was, relatively speaking, even higher than now) and since then I've been through the spectrum of weight loss and gain too (never obesity, but there's still time for that :/) I think that's why I tend to follow so many different types of blog - I relate to most aspects of them on one level or another. I wish I could be more help, be more like you are - if I could sort my own issues and stop being so self-centred it would be a start.
People did tell me I needed to lose weight, and to an extent it drove me to become obsessive about it. I think the manner in which is done is key to helping overweight kids lose weight, but gain self-esteem irrespective of the amount of pounds they drop.
xxx
Jessica- thank you so very much for this comment (& your last one on my progress pictures! I've been insanely busy - I read & cherish every comment but sometimes it takes me a while to write a reply these days!)
DeleteI'm the same way - I read blogs written by people trying to lose 100+lb, blogs written by recovering/recovered anoretics, blogs written by anoretics who think they have recovered but clearly have not, blogs about powerlifters, figure competitors, and those who swear they will never compete again...everything. I can see a little of myself in almost every blog I come across.
I do think a comment about me needing to lose weight could have pushed me over the edge - maybe someone could have advised my mom on how to feed me, what foods she should just keep out of the house. I don't know. I've heard Dr. H give her "your kid needs to lose weight" spiel a million times and it doesn't ever seem to change anything :/ We do only have one child with an eating disorder, though, so that's a good thing right? :/
Oh I could go on and on and on about this subject. I've been in a mental/emotional battle with my weight and body image since I was about 12 or 13 as well and it's just brutal since there are so many other things going on at that age already. Yuck. I really could have used someone to say, "hey, here's how to do this right," instead of everyone just avoiding the subject until I went too far in a wrong direction. I hope our generation will be able to do that as parents instead of letting our sons and daughters shoulder that burden alone.
ReplyDeleteYep. I really wish someone would have caught me before it really started to take a turn for the worse..but it made me who I am today, so I can't really regret it. I do hope that I'll react differently if I have a child & they begin to become unhealthy :/
DeleteOnce again I’m admiring you for courage, honesty and sincerity. This post is beautiful and inspiring! Your morality, respectfulness and dedication to your readers make you one of my favorite bloggers ever! Thank you for sharing your life with me and many!
ReplyDeleteGreta, you really are too kind <3 thank you so very much for this comment!
DeleteI was actually the same exact way at age 13 and also had severe acne. Dear god those were the wonder years, I wasn't obese but I was overweight. I wish someone had told me.
ReplyDeleteI was DEFINITELY blessed to not have *horrible* acne. I mean, I had it - but I had one of the milder cases at my school, thank God.
DeleteI was an overweight (maybe obese) teenager, too. No one saw that my weight was a symptom of depression, abandonment issues, loneliness. It wasn't until I worked that stuff out that I was able to finally lose the weight and become a healthy adult. I want to help every teenage girl I see who is overweight/obese and let her know it is okay, that she is eating to care for herself and when she knows better, she will care for herself better.
ReplyDeleteYou have definitely put my feelings into words more succinctly than I did - I too wish someone had thought, "I wonder why Sable eats about a million calories a day?" It was totally a coping mechanism. I used food to deal with loneliness and anxiety.
DeleteI wonder if a doctor had told you what you saw in the mirror and what children told you if the doctor telling it would have made the difference.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you had been anorexic all the way back then? What if you had been regular weight? What then?
MAYBE being a heavy kid (and being blissfully unaware) and being an anorexic teen (and battling it back) has made you into what you are today.
I think the better path - and it is only my opinion - is to simply accept the past and be thankful that you are well and happy. And influencing others - people see where you have been and where you are now and how you respond(ed). Those are the things that matter(ed).
I definitely think where I've been has made me who I am today; I don't know that I regret it for myself, exactly, or if it's more difficult to see other young girls going through the same process and wishing something or someone would step in and stop it. You are right though - a doctor making a comment could have made it MUCH worse.
DeleteYour awkward teenage photos are not bad! I had my fair share of awkwardness as a teen, I wasn't overweight but I went through an ED. Only now as I'm getting old (eek) that I really feel past it. It is amazing how some of our less than lovely experiences shape us and make us better people! Clearly that is the case with you! Your blog presents one of the healthier approaches to nutrition in my opinion. So many are sadly in the throes of an ED.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely! I definitely think my experiences & my journey along the weight spectrum have made me a better person than I would have turned out to be otherwise.
DeleteI agree that responsible adults need to help children learn how to be healthy. I feel like kid's health is either ignored or totally overblown...like they're put on horrible diets or something.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. I also had terrible hair.
ReplyDeleteClearly we've both progressed fabulously.
Weight and hair. :)
You are so brave! I still want to cry when I look at photos of myself at that age. Hmmm... still coming to terms with your past, anyone??? lol And I can't even (yet) post photos on my blog that show my face for fear that someone I know sees them. Perhaps when I get to where I need to be. In the meantime, I will hope to be as well adjusted as you are when I grow up!
ReplyDeleteThank you for another great post.
wow, this is really interesting to see. you have come so far!
ReplyDeleteThis was an inspiring read! I was never super overweight but had a few extra lbs in high school and I struggled with weight gaining and getting too skinny throughout my pregnant years and in between. Growing up I had a dad who was so fanatical about eating so healthy that junk food was never allowed. When I moved in with mom I ate whatever I wanted cuz I was denied which resulted in a unhealthy lifestyle for years. There definitely has to be balance and I think our society still needs more education on proper nutrition portion sizes. I believe junk food is ok in moderation just like most everything else.
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