Thank you guys so much for all the wonderful comments on yesterday's post :) You all make me smile!!
So did y'all know that next Monday is the Fourth of July? Um yeah. Somehow I missed that until last night when my coworker asked if I had plans. See, my whole life right now revolves around July 9 -- the day I find out if I'm formally accepted to the nursing program -- and while I know July 9 is a week from Friday, somehow I didn't realize that makes Monday the Fourth.
So, long story short, the second part of that post will probably appear on Friday. ;-)
Anyway. For the past month or so I have been working on a little undercover pet project that I haven't talked much (more accurately, at all) about.
I am on a mission to love my body. And I don't mean, "I love my body because it's strong and digests food and allows me to live." I want to love its flaws.
See I have this nasty little habit. Whenever I feel a little puffy (or get a little puffy as the case may be coming off this spring's bulk), I play this game called My Stomach Doesn't Exist.
I look at the ceiling when I change; I absolutely refuse to look at where I'm shaving when I shave the tops of my legs (this leads to some fabulous results let me tell ya); I wear a baggy shirt around the house at all times.
But it seems to me that if I'm going to claim to love my body, I should probably acknowledge all of it. Even the parts I don't like. Sort of like when you love another person, ya know? You can't ignore their flaws. You have to accept them and work with them.
So lately I have been looking at myself naked. And looking at the tops of my thighs when I shave.
And just to deeply PROVE to myself (and anyone else who may be wondering) that my stomach does in fact exist and belong on my body....
Yeah. Holy shit. I am publishing a picture of my decidedly not-tan, not-perfect, not-airbrushed stomach to the blogworld. And I'm not even wearing makeup.
You guys, I have spent my entire life trying to convince myself that I don't have a stomach: sucking it in, hiding it, refusing to look at it.
So here it is, once and for all: My name is Sable and I unapologetically have a stomach.
Side note: do we all see the fallacy of fearing that you'll "bulk up" now? That is what I look like with none of my muscles flexed. Versus this:
Flexed.
Will you join me on my quest to accept my physical flaws? Do you play the I Don't Have A Stomach Game?
I just want to hug you - great post. Seriously, I think we all do things like this to ourselves. I try to not pay attention to my nose. And yes, I sometimes try to pretend my stomach doesn't exist as well. Hello t-shirts. Forcing ourselves to look however, can actually change perspective. When I workout and have on a short top, I am forced to stare and then realize, oh wow, hello ab muscles helping to stabilize body. What was I thinking....
ReplyDeleteLove this post!!! i used to hate my body... all the time. Fat, skinny, in between. I didnt accept anything about it and it sucked. I always hid like you in baggy tshirts and such and honestly the biggest change came when I started living alone, I was always in booty shorts and tank tops or sports bras. Why wear clothes? It forced me to really look and appreciate the good AND the bad.
ReplyDelete@Heather: Thank you!!! I love that too -- I'm like, OH right that's what you're there for. Duh.
ReplyDelete@Becca: It's crazy isn't it -- how we will ALWAYS find something to hate, no matter what size we are or how great we look!?!
I have a stomach too...after 2 kids the muscles never went back together so no matter how many ab exercises I do (planks and others to work the transverse abs) it is always sticking out (unless I suck it in). It's not far enough to require the surgery but I still don't like it!
ReplyDeleteyou never cease to amaze me with your honesty! it really makes me feel so comfortable with sharing my own self (warts and all).
ReplyDeletei don't play the "i don't have a stomach game" i poke and prod at my "faults" instead of ignoring them. i've never liked my neck or cheeks and when i feel "fat" i pinch them. today i'm going to focus on loving them.
thank you for reminding me to be kind to myself!
I have a hard time accepting my body too. I usually play the "pinching" game, where I will pinch any small bit of fat or even skin, and think it's fat. For some reason my stomach is my most pinched part. I strive for perrfection there, but I just don't think perfection is possible because we always want something better. When I was with my boyfriend he helped me believe I was truly beautiful. That helped somewhat, but I would still have days where I would play the pinching game and scrutinize my body. I am hoping that i can stay strong and have a healthy body image now that I don't have someone else to tell me I am beautiful every day.
ReplyDeleteYou go Sable! Your blog has quickly become one of my absolute favorites! I just love how real you are :)
ReplyDeleteYep, I've got a tummy. Did you ever see the picture in the book the Great Fitness Experiment where Kellie shows her stomach from the front and side? I appreciate so much that she did that. I'm just genetically not meant to have a flat stomach, and having two kids sealed the deal. The few times I have cut weight for a powerlifting type thing it is flattER but not flat. And that's at like super minimal body fat.
ReplyDeleteSable, you look beautiful, I'd like your nice sculpted waist especially!
Fingers crossed for Nursing School...wish we could write letters of support for you. We are all far more than our grades and test scores.
Oh, it's Charlotte, not Kellie....
ReplyDelete@Teabagg: So strange -- I'm totally comfortable poking certain parts of me that I don't love (cheeks and chin come to mind..don't ask, I have no idea) but I never ever touch my stomach! Odd.
ReplyDelete@Katie: It can be SO hard to learn to love ourselves independently of what other people think. I think personally the hardest (but most important) two years of my life were the two years I took completely OFF from dating: I had to look at myself and find something to like without anyone telling me I was smart or pretty.
@Allie: Thank you!!! I try to keep it real ;-)
@Cort: Thank you so much. I may or may not have teared up a little bit at your comment :) I never saw that post of Charlotte's!! I'm going to have to go digging for it now.
I spend most of my time playing the 'I have no stomach' game! I can relate to everything you've said in this post, and am determined to get to the stage where I too can have a stomach :)
ReplyDeleteOh my God, the not-looking-at-myself-directly-while-I-get-changed thing! I didn't even realise that I do that until you said it, and then it just suddenly hit me. It's like not looking someone in the eye. It smacks of dishonesty, or denial, or something..
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what, you don't even have a "stomach". I mean, you look great! And then I look at myself, and realise I probably look pretty similar. So why do I think you look great but I look hideous?
ps I love your pink sports bra too. Did you sort the chaffing out?
Fantastic post, I can relate totally to not acknowledging my body, I only recently have made a concerted effort to ACTUALLY LOOK at myself naked. I hardly ever used to look at myself in a mirror, not even while washing my hands in a public loo .... and I even hate putting makeup on because I have to look at my face too much ..... holy crap I hate myself don't I?!!!! I think I need to learn to love myself, thank you :-)
ReplyDeleteThere is NOTHING wrong with being pale. Okay, okay, I know for body building you want the tan for the definition, but rock the pale in the meantime. And I never wear make up.
ReplyDeleteBut, looking at you objectively, you have a stomach most women would envy. I know it's hard for YOU to see, plus, 90% of the time you're seeing your stomach from the worst possible angle.
Well, you can imagine the things I have done to myself shaving. I can love little bits of me at a time. Taking it as a whole, well I have to go lie down. Ditto that if I see a picture of my butt. But, I love the idea of something good building below my fat parka!
ReplyDeleteLove the flex v relaxed pics. It is a "well, she is in good shape" v "Whoahahoo! Is she ever in good shape". And not the least bit bulky hulky man-a-kin.
Yeah, I love this post. I think it is especially hard for body building types to love their every part. So much concentration and scrutinizing and tweeking every little inch. It should be about working towards your dead level best, not about "perfection". Cuz - pallies - it does not exist.
What an awesome post Sable! See one of the things that I love about you & your blog is your honesty. Way back when I started reading your blog, I was just like 'wow! this girl is different (in a good way)- she is REAL!' being real is SO hard to do now-a-days.
ReplyDeleteI always play that game..it's sad too. I mean, I just have to accept everything about myself. A lot of the time I play the 'hide the stomach game' because of my stupid Crohn's disease. It makes me all bloated, and even though I KNOW it's bloating from the Crohn's, I still get REALLY REALLY down on myself. It's crazy. As hard as I workout & as hard as I train my abs, they should be something I want to show off...well, when I get over this whole Crohn's thing :)
Thanks again for this post- it is awesome & so are you! & beautiful!! :)
Great post!! And you have a GREAT stomach, lady!! I play that game too, I suck it in, pinch the sides of it regularly to make sure there isnt too much (or any) pudge. But I've succombed to the fact that i'll never have a "six pack" my body just doesnt work like that. Lately I've been liking my stomach, even in a bikini - i could shave like 5 inches off my thigh though...hahaha. I support you on this project to learn to love all parts of your body though. It's so important for self acceptance!
ReplyDelete@Alison -- it's so crazy. I took the picture and I was like... Oh. Hm. That's actually really not much of a stomach. Sure no visible abs (the top 2 a little?! okay that's pushing it) but still. Now why can't I feel that way about it when I'm looking at it in the mirror?
ReplyDelete@BabyWilt -- I HAVE those days! When I will not even look at my face. I think I used to do that a whole lot. I think we all need to learn to love ourselves!!
@Rose -- thank you! It is SO hard to see myself objectively. Crazy how if I saw anothe girl with my exact body I'd be like, "She's HOT, I want to look like HER!" and yet I criticize myself endlessly.
@Munch -- Such a good point. We are forever staring at ourselves in mirrors, flexing, relaxing, watching our bodies perform exercises...it's too MUCH scrutiny and focus at times!!
@Holly -- thank you love!! I don't have Crohn's thank goodness (my father does -- I've seen it firsthand! Can't even imagine) but I do have IBS and I feel like such a crazy person for feeling BAD about looking bloated when I'm having a flare-up. I mean come on -- priorities!
I think when you're my age, you're going to look back and realize what a good looking girl you are--exactly as you are. The fact that you are trying to do that now vs. 20 years later is good.
ReplyDeleteBut I did the same thing at your age too, and I was also much better looking than I gave myself credit for. My daughters in college do this too.
:-) Marion
Really great post & I so understand! I have been fixated with my flaws for years - I guess comes from being a fat & teased kid. It is hard & the media does not make it easier....
ReplyDeleteYou look great!
thank you for this. Your point about accepting yourself as you would accept the ones you love (flaws and all) really hit home. Well put!
ReplyDeleteOh my word this is one of my favorite posts EVER! This just goes to show how much more you're learning to love yourself and the progress you've made. Amazing Sable!
ReplyDeleteI used to really struggle with my differences. I was the total outcast in my class of 25 in high school, so it sucked...I was surrounded by a lot of hurtful douchebags. But as I've gotten older and further from those years, I've come to realize that everyone has flaws and we should embrace the little quirks that make us who we are :)
PS~I think you look freaking AMAZING!!!
Oh, such a well-timed post. 4th of July, anyone? It's hard to see yourself like others do---let me tell you, you look great from here!!!
ReplyDeletewhat an awesome thing girl :) so glad you're loving yourself right now! you have so much to be proud of and you're a strong and gorgeous lady! max is very lucky to have a woman that can open jars without his help!
ReplyDeleteThis is SUCH a needed post for me. Thank you for this! It really resonated with me. I could work on accepting my flaws, too.
ReplyDeleteI still think you look AMAZINGGGGG!!
wow, just scanning over the responses... seems like you hit quite a sensitive spot miss sable!
ReplyDeleteI have a not-so-secret confession to make. There are some flaws I accept, my lower back fat for instance, that I always write about. I do not let them drag me down because I know, even at competition leanness (heck you SAW how lean I was), my lower back was still a little soft.
However, while I accept them and acknowledge them, I do not think I will ever love those spots. My weaknesses are what drive me to train the way I do, keep my diet in check, and ensure I work hard enough to be better on stage next year. I realize my perspective is unique as a bodybuilder but I felt like sharing :)
I definitely, wholly admire this post though. It was beautiful and I am proud that you are working towards body acceptance.
This is such an awesome post!! I totally agree. No body is perfect and that's the way we are made to be.. and our bodies do so much for us that we should love them the way they are!
ReplyDelete@Marion: My mom has always said things like that -- you'll see how beautiful you are NOW in 20 years. :) Guess it's true! :)
ReplyDelete@Jody: Oh God. Watching mainstream TV commercials can be a minefield!
@Alexandra: Thank you! I also went to a teeny tiny high school so I can definitely relate -- it's like you're in a fishbowl at all times!
@Vanessa: Thank you!!!
@Julie: Thanks girlie!! Hahaha yeah as a reformed pickle addict I always used to say I started lifting so I could open my own jars ;-)
@Jess: I'm so glad!!
@Joob: I think your perspective rocks!! I love that you use your 'weak spots' as motivation! I think as long as you can do it in a healthy way (not 100% sure I could personally -- too much of a past with EDs!) it's awesome!!!
This is such a great post :) and btw, you are BEAUTIFUL! I think pretty much everyone can relate to this in one way or another... I'm pretty content with my body but have struggled REALLY badly with acne over the years (I've had to do 2 rounds of Accutane) and there have been days where I literally skipped class and cancelled dates because I was so embarrassed by my face... I'm working on accepting it though :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post- you are so right about that- I do the same things (not looking when I change)- silly me. We should all love ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI think you look great! I don't see a stomach, but I understand why you think you do. We all have that problem. I also have huge red marks and scars on mine from my insulin pump. Doesn't help.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of your strength to post a picture of all you. I don't think I could do it.
I just found your blog and am LOVING your honesty! I have *always* had a belly. Even as a kid, it was a round little pot belly. I have twin daughters, who despite not being babies anymore, have definitely left their mark on me forever when it comes to my belly and I felt like I was reading about myself when it comes to the whole not looking while getting dressed thing (I also ignore love handles and hips!).
ReplyDeleteI'm determined to be less self conscious about it! It really could be (and has been) much worse than it is right now. I think, just for the record, that your belly looks just fine.
First off I have to say you look AMAZING!! seriously girl.
ReplyDeleteI think overall we are all too hard on ourselves. Embracing our own unique beauty is the key. I used to really hate my legs. They are short, stumpy...but now I can see them as muscular and can squat like crazy with them. So I feel they are now one of my best features. Its just all on how you look at things. Our individual "flaws" are what makes us beautiful.
And you look incredible! Be proud! You have accomplishment so much.
This is my beautiful, smart, perfect daughter and I love her so very much!!! :))
ReplyDeleteMama Squat
*pokes* your stomach - you are so cuteeeeee!! Please give your tummy some love!
ReplyDeleteOh man do I know the "I-Don't-Have-A-Stomach" Game! I won't look in the mirror while I'm getting dressed/undressed, I won't look down at my stomach unless I'm standing straight with perfect posture...and along the same vein, I never look at myself in the mirror when I'm washing my hands in a public restroom! I think it's because I don't want someone to see me looking at my reflection and that other person to think "Is that girl checking herself out? Doesn't she know she's ugly?" But I'm working on it!
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, one of the times I am most comfortable looking in the mirror is when I am stark naked...standing up straight, of course ;)
oh i don't even know where to start about how awesome this post is! but looking through the comments i think everyone else covered it pretty well :) I try to play the "i don't have a stomach" game but i always give in and look! haha. my stummy is my least favorite part on me, i work out like a beast and my eats are on key but it's still got pudge! i'm working on accepting it and this post definitely helped :) i also totally admire you putting yourself out there like this, you look great!
ReplyDeleteI've also recently been walking around naked lately haha! I find it helps me feel more comfortable in my own skin. I do also have a stomach...and a butt. And I love it :)
ReplyDeleteYou look GREAT by the way!!
@Kelsey: Max has acne issues too! (I'm sure he's so glad I'm saying that on the Internet. haha) Thank you!!!
ReplyDelete@Sheri: Thank you so much!
@Amy: It's so hard to focus on the "it could be much worse" side of things!!
@Chrysta: Thank you so much!! I love looking at my body not as, What does it look like, but rather, What does it DO!
@Christina: Thank you love!!!!
@Dominique: Isn't it so odd that we think others will think things like, "Doesn't she know she's ugly" but I bet you've never thought that about a woman looking in the mirror in your life?
@Erika: Thank you so much! I think a big factor in my dissatisfaction is the whole, Well by gosh I work out 5 times a week, I want it to look nicer! thing.
@Lindsey: It really really helps!! Thank you!!!!!
Beautiful post--thanks Sable. :)
ReplyDelete