That said, I should probably explain that for me, personally, the post-contest rebound did not come as a direct response to restriction. I actually maintained the weight I wanted for three months after the show and was indulging my cravings regularly.
|I have no idea when exactly this is from but trust me... plenty of Raisin Bran (my favorite cereal ever, please don't judge me, it reminds me of my childhood okay?) was consumed on a weekly basis|
Then I finally started seeking help and stopped bingeing, thinking some of the weight would come off naturally. It didn't, probably in part because I do have thyroid disease. (I am being treated and have been continuously treated since last year, but synthetic thyroid hormones will never do as good a job as the real thing.)
Like any patient being treated for disordered eating (and binge eating does in fact constitute disordered eating), I have a meal plan.
While this may be a controversial opinion, I don't think safe (read: medically approved and supervised), non-crash dieting is *necessarily* a bad thing, as long as the motivation does not lie in the pursuit of control or in a mistaken belief that being thinner will make one happier.
What makes "this time" different is that I am finally addressing the root cause of all of my too-controlled or too-out-of-control behavior around food: my inability to deal with overwhelming emotions in a healthy way. It is going to be a long road; these behaviors have been my go-to coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. But I am committed to this process.
Additionally, I have a strong support network including professionals with whom I will be checking in weekly. There is a safety net in place, even though I trust myself at this point to know better than to diet down to an unhealthily low BMI. You can never be too careful.
I've been on a self-improvement and empowerment kick for a while now and have completely replaced, removed and/or revamped some of my less-than-stellar habits and attributes. Emotional eating (& emotionally-charged restriction) is on notice -- it's next.
I have never presented myself as perfect on this blog. I am more of a living exhibit: "Girl Faces Her Demons" or "Girl Becomes Woman" or "Girl Owns Her Issues" would be fitting titles for this stage.